The Different Types of Mums


Recently I've been thinking about how important it is to have mum friends. And especially for mums in the same position as me, having an early baby makes it quite hard to have mum friends and people who understand and can empathize with what you're going through. The situation you suddenly find yourself in is so isolating and lonely that you really do need someone who can relate, laugh and cry with you. Finding good mum friends is hard. I wont lie. I've found there's a few different types of mum friends out there. And not all of them are ones you want.

There's the Comparison Mums. The 'my baby could do this at this age' mums. I've found that other mums with babies around a similar age to Aria's actual age, compare her to their children and how fast they developed and what not. Now the most annoying part is that they've completely forgotten that preemies aren't their actual age, they develop at their own corrected age, and even then we can't compare it. But it's seriously hard to restrain yourself from beating them senseless when they ask why your child can't do this or that like theirs.

Then there's the Shaming Mums. These are a special brand of mum who go out of their way to make other mums feel awful for not doing exactly as they do. 'Oh my god you don't breast feed your baby? How lazy', 'Oh lord you've given her vaccines? How thoughtless', 'Oh gosh you've gone back to work? How selfish'. I think these are possibly the worst kind of mums, who needs to consciously make another mum worry about her parenting choices? As long as a baby is loved, fed, clothed and cared for who cares what our personal preferences are?

The Gym Mums. Like seriously who have the motivation never mind the time to actually bother with the gym? If I get two seconds to myself I flop on the couch or actually drink my coffee - I do not even consider going to the gym. As much as I'd love my pre-pregnancy body back, it's just a no from me.

The good ol' Organic Mums. The 'only feeds their child the best food, free from anything nice and remotely enjoyable' mums. It's all homemade, vegetarian, free from gluten, dairy and sugar, low cal, none fat, not fun and 100% disgusting! I don't want the recipe, I'll feed my child actual food.

The Show Off Mums. They are always dressed to the nines, both them and their kids. No sick, dribble or snot. No creases in their clothes and not a hair out of place. Her makeup is always done and her hair freshly blow dried. They have millions upon millions of photos plastered across Instagram, Facebook and Twitter that look professionally done, with an array of the best, brand new, most expensive toys ever made in the background. Ugh makes me actually feel sick.

The Ranting Mums. I think at some point we can all be a ranting mum, but I'm talking about the ones who are effing and blinding about their children all over facebook and other social media ALL. THE. TIME. Give it a rest, we don't need to hear about how your child is a little sh*t and how you're fed up of them getting in trouble at school. They are totally insensitive and selfish and NEVER consider how much worse others have it (I know there is always someone who has it worse, but these mums moan about the trivial things us hospital mums would kill for). While you're ranting about your baby who's poo'd everywhere, there's mums who have babies in hospital who can't clean their own child's nappy. When you're complaining about your child who wont be put down, think of the mum who can only stare at their baby through the thick plastic of their incubator and dream of what its like to finally hold them close.

Then there's always those Honorary Mums. The one who are not actually mums themselves, or who are and don't ever relate their experiences to yours. The ones who have never been in the position or situation you are in but feel it and go through it all with you. They try their hardest to understand and are there for you no matter what, your shoulder to cry on and ear to lend. The best friends, god mothers, aunties, sisters, etc. They are the special people who are there with you through thick and thin and are always empathetic to your circumstances. They don't always know what to say and sometimes they'll get it wrong, but when you're a nightmare to be around they're to ones who keep coming back - they're the type of people you want around you and your little humans.


And finally I saved the best til last. Us NICU Mums. The mums fueled by coffee and sarcasm, who know far too many hospital terms for a non health professional and cynically moan about life. We give out advice that we are in no way qualified to give out and self diagnose wilder conditions that Google. We celebrate every tiny triumph from drinking a full bottle to gaining over an ounce in weight. The chemists know us by name, we phone the GP's more than our own mums and we see community nurses, oxygen nurses, physiotherapists and health visitors more than our friends. We take half an hour to answer 'Awh, how old are they?' and obsess over percentiles for weight, length and head circumference. Our first pictures of our fighters are not ones we always want to display out of fear others will find them 'sad, dark or uncomfortable to look at', but for us all we feel is pride and astonishment to realise how far they've come. You can complain to another NICU Mum about damn near anything and they wont judge, shy away or be offended because you can guarantee they've witnessed or been asked way worse. And when your child is screaming the building down and you're super embarrassed and getting all het up and upset, they laugh it off and play it down about how they probably didn't need the steroids they were given if they have lungs that strong. They make everything seem 'normal' for you.
And that's what you really need in Mum Friends. NICU mums normality isn't the same as other mums, we understand just how fragile life is.
PS. How cute are these two please? NICU Friends are for life. 

CONVERSATION

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